I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
