By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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