I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
