i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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