I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
