my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
