You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
