I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
