You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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