While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
