If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
