last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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