The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
