i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
