I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
