How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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