i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
