New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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