Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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