I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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