i don't like sucking hair
Michael Bay diarrhea
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
