Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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