Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
