soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
