how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
