dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
bring money and cleavage
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dick very happy bro
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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