Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
