Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
