gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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