i think i have two assholes
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
