Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
