I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
