Need sex. Gaining weight.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
