Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
