She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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