I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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