There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
