He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
