it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
