I cockslap morals
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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