This is not my ceiling
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
