he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
