Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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