I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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