you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
