No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
