he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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