We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
