drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
