And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
