and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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