Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
