I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Someone came in the potted fern
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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